can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize