Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
