What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
