Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
