I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sponge bath it is.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
