I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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