..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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