they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
