And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
