No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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