Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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