take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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