The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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