At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
