if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
