No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
