you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
