Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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