Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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