end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
