chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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