You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
