So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
