Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize