This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
