and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize