I hate all girls vehemently.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
