just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
