Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
