a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
