literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
