Sponge bath it is.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
