how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize