I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
