I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
