I cannot find my penis.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
