Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are a genius and a whore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
