A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize