god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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