they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
