Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As shirtless as possible
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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