No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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