I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
