I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
