Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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