My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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