the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
