listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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