Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize