Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
