Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
