real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
