there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
