We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize