so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
