You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize