Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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