Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
