dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
