what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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