You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
