The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want a musical about memes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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