Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize