He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
