I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sober January is a disaster.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
