Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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