He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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