Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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