The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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