where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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