i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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