I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i think im in europe. pls send help
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