just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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