A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
