I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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