I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I see more hoeing in ur future
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