please come you make the beer taste better
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
