we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
