Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
