I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
