no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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