he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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