Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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