I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize