So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
