i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
