Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
