I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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