idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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