Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
