wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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