I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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