Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
