Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
