your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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