They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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