***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
