Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
