I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
