New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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