Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
