she was so not down for the gang bang
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize