yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize