Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
