Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
