The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
