I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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