just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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