Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
