I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
