Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
