Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
