No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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