Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize